the man rules

no one’s from venus, no one’s from mars
relationship gurus are fools
ladies, we promise that things will be fine
if you would please follow these rules

we don’t read minds, so don’t leave us hints
just tell us what we need to know
if something is wrong, but you say you’re ‘fine’
we’re going to let the thing go

we want to help, to fix what is wrong
but not to discuss or debate
so don’t bring us problems and then get upset
when we ‘solve’ when you’d rather ‘relate’

if something we said can be taken two ways
and one of them might cause a fight
we meant the other, we just said it wrong
remember, we’re not all that bright

so don’t bring up things that we said long ago
in some disagreement today
the context and subject are never the same
and we can’t recall half we say

to us, less is more and everything asked
is answered by ‘yes’ or by ‘no’
further discussion can wait till the end
of the game or our favorite show

and three of the dresses you already own
go great with those shoes and that hat
but don’t ask the question, you already know
exactly what makes you look fat

be patient, we’re simple, but proud human beings
so directions to us mean defeat
give us the time and we’ll get most things right
except for the damn toilet seat

your feelings mean more than we will let on
so don’t say you’re hurt when you’re not
and crying is witchcraft and blackmail and wrong
its impact is not soon forgot

for we may not show it, but we know of love
we count on it everyday
we know how lucky we are to have you
and pray that you feel the same way

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