Archive for the ‘my diary’ Category

since you asked…

May 10, 2019

imagine there’s a button…
it’s on your desk someplace,
and every time you pressed it,
a monster punched your face;

you’d probably determine
there’s something very wrong,
and know just how to fix it,
it wouldn’t take you long;

it’s not real scientific,
you know why you got hit,
if you ignore the button…
the monster would just quit;

but i digress – i’m sorry…
your question slipped my mind;
as to why we never speak,
i’m simply disinclined.


ode to a pinned rose

February 28, 2019

i can see you in the mirror,
so i know that you’re still there…
i admit that i’m still frightened,
but it’s not the same real scare;

if you want me, then come get me,
i’m now ready for this fight…
i might lose, but that’s still winning
if i’ve figured this thing right;

you’re a monster, so you tell me,
but i think it’s all a ruse…
like most bullies, you’re a coward,
and afraid you’ll likely lose;

you took blood, and tears, and feeling,
you took sleep, and sight, and hair,
made me angry, often hateful
to the point i didn’t care;

and you left me in a tunnel
where i figured i would die…
but i didn’t, though i should have,
just to leave you there to cry;

cause without me, you’d be nothing
but the image of a fool…
a reflection of the weakness
that compelled you to be cruel.

i fell for you

February 18, 2019

i know you know,
you know i do..
it’s not my fault
i fell for you;

or that i saw
what all can see,
and recognized
its worth to me;

the breadth, the depth,
the thoughtful soul,
the craziness
that makes you whole;

wherever else
true beauty lies,
in you, its best
is full and wise…

as much as true…
though not for me,
for your sweet love
i will not be.

i know you know,
i’m glad you do…
and gladder still
i fell for you.

things will be just fine

February 13, 2019

let’s agree to disagree,
to part as less than friends;
to tactfully – but honestly
concede how this thing ends.

you’re beautiful, you’re wonderful,
at least in your own mind;
and i would not, in any way,
speak ill of one so blind.

if anything i said or did
appeared to you unfair,
please believe it meant no more
than i had ceased to care.

your happiness is all i want,
so long as i keep mine;
you need only choose to leave –
and things will be just fine.

as she was…

January 28, 2019

she lived beneath the surface
always breathing much deeper
always thinking much longer
always aspiring to be more

she condemned very little
save a life of moderation
which she regarded wasteful
useless, like all fad diets

life is consumption, she said
and hers, controlled gluttony
as passion was her first passion
with nothing sacred or second

she weighed opinions lightly
having so often been labeled
a slut, a brain, a queen, a fool
and seeing each in her accusers

while she knew of self-doubt
she had it very well trained
just like most of her men
and a few other strangers

and she wore everything
like she wore nothing at all
as if beauty acceded to her
lending itself as an accessory

this she was, as i met her
before our first of anything
before i knew of any flaw
beyond the many i possessed

from there, a life followed
in somewhat of short order
lessons learned together
the way only life can teach

looking back, more or less
she was, while being both
what my heart now knows
as that nearest to perfection

on my collar

November 8, 2018

i’m your basic junkyard dog
a guardian, not friend
i’m here for your protection
and trained to serve that end

i don’t play, i’m not a pet
i have no pedigree
what i do is dangerous
so stay away from me

you will hear my praises sung
my deeds, some catalogue
most of what you hear is true
i am a real ‘good dog’

but being good is not the same
as being kind or nice
you can love me all you want
but please take this advice…

those who choose to get too close
will find it a mistake
possibly, regrettably
the very last they make

declining your ‘friend’ request

October 20, 2018

at times, i wish i felt differently
able to understand or ignore
what appears to me so frivolous
in your manner, speech, and thought

oblivious, disinterested, disengaged
or otherwise plainly preoccupied
by petty, passionless pursuits
in lieu of the risks occasioned by desire

on its face, your smile reflects a happy logic
removed from some degree of the daily dose
inflicted on those who go ‘all in’
bearing their wit, their heart, their soul

what ignorance you must imagine in us
who expose ourselves to these elements
these all-too-consuming ambitions
capable of crushing the hardiest of spirits

fools, racing along the edge of the abyss
daring to look down despite our fears
challenging the sovereignty of fate
with full knowledge of the likely outcome

beaten, bloodied, barely able to continue
we must look a horror – on our worst days
those few when you can look comfortably at us
without wondering, questioning, or dreaming




September 27, 2018

i don’t know how to say it
i doubt i ever will
yet i sense this silence
holds something sweeter still

a moment more and passion
will overtake us both
embracing to a kiss
perhaps, one day, an oath

but nothing, more or less
is likely to compare
to all i now perceive
as this instant makes aware

if poetry possesses
the words my soul would don
i could not speak them anyway
for all my breath is gone

season’s greetings

December 21, 2017

time and distance make me lonely
when together grown too long
make my heart and spirit wary
but i need to carry on

so i built a little shelter
put my thoughts of you away
never wishing to forget them
they’re held close each night i pray

and i wake with good intentions
but don’t write or make a call
life is busy and forgetful
it makes monsters of us all

what’s important gets confusing
when i’m rushing here and there
i can leave the misimpression
i’ve forgotten, i don’t care

then the season comes upon me
and what seemed to be too hard
is as simple as is sharing
my best wishes in a card

though the words that pass between us
are too fleeting and too few
every day of life’s been brighter
since the day that i met you

and i wish you season’s greetings
with the joy, and peace, and love
that your friendship has since blessed me
as if sent from up above

a dancer’s resolution

December 31, 2016

i used to love to dance
to move across the floor
and take the willing hand
of one unknown before

there’s something life-affirming
in reaching out to share
to steady, to encourage
a step, a move, a dare

somewhere in those moments
i felt the clock stand still
as if, for just a second
it bent to serve my will

but now, it’s new year’s eve
and time has fled so fast
without this precious gift
that used to make it last

so somehow i will manage
despite my circumstance
to capture time this year
by taking him to dance