santa, accused, responds…

cease and desist, dear madam
from these false things you say
your wicked accusations
a thoughtless zeal display

though true, i enter houses
amid the dark of night
even scrooge withdrew his charge
upon last christmas’ light

and not an elf would whisper
they’ve ever been mistreated
let alone deprived of goods
or by my check been cheated

i never did withhold my name
all decent people know
exactly who, and what, i am
and when, and where, i go

the cookies you allege i stole
were offerings to me
left by grateful, loving souls
for gifts beneath each tree

the egg nog had no alcohol
no accidents occurred
the reindeer fly, so i don’t ‘drive’
your claims are just absurd

but most offensive of them all
is lewdness in my work
i don’t jingle my own bells
i never even twerk

i suggest you start anew
review your ‘so called’ proof
unless, of course, these charges brought
were meant as just a spoof

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