subconscience

thirty five years ago
lost on a road
lost in a bottle
about to explode

i held the future
the present, the past
all on a finger
my trigger steadfast

one single bullet
a still chambered beast
one single second
from being released

one single second
from agony’s kiss
to a temporal lobe
in a deep, dark abyss

and i should have done it
they tell me today
ended the life
that took yours away

but something of faith
it kept my hand still
it overcame anger
it overcame will

and still it remains
despite how i grieve
how i pray for an end
how i beg it to leave

and it sits, and it stares
with a presence like ice
waiting should i
make the same mistake twice

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